Wandering Dilettante

Displeasure

2010-02-19T13:38:00.000-08:00

The only thing keeping me from resigning my job right now is probably the knowledge that it would make someone happy.

On Failure

2009-12-29T11:57:00.000-08:00

One of the major problems with our cultural philosophy these days is that failure is bad.

This was lesson was first illustrated by the response to the Columbia Disaster and how it differed in quality from the response to the Apollo 1 Disaster.

There are two major flaws with a philosophy of existence premeditated on failure avoidance. We can start with the fact that it is a fundamentally reactionary philosophy. There is no striving for growth, hope becomes a secondary emotion and all goals of progress are hampered by the fear of regress. Without a generative force within this philosophy, cultural motion is destined for stagnation. The second major flaw stems from the fact that it is wrong. Failure is one of the fastest and best teachers the world supplies us with. A child must be told many times not to touch a hot stove in order to remember that touching a hot stove is bad, but a child need touch a hot stove only once in order to know that doing so again is a bad idea. In science more has been learned in understanding why things fail to work the way they are expected to than has been discovered when someone confirms that they are indeed correct. As with any idea concerning culture, there is considerable nuance to be considered before exiling this idea, but I shall consider the current problem of over-application before investigating a new set of proper boundaries.

The problems posed by such a reactionary philosophy are many, but the question of stagnation is foremost. Action cannot occur when we fear the results of our endeavors. It is commonly accepted that it is impossible to predict the full ramifications of what we do, but the effort to do so is a losing game. Each action taken to mitigate another's effects will have further unintended consequences requiring further mitigating actions ad infinitum. Caught in such a loop, it becomes impossible to progress, as any potential action becomes bogged down by its own implications, never fully realized.

Paired with the question of stagnation is fear. When failure becomes verboten actions that could lead to failure are avoided, as this fear increases, all action effectively ceases.

Even if there were a generative force behind this philosophy and people were not inhibited by fear, there is no reward for success. Any action taken is expected to succeed, so success is not worth mentioning,

To be edited tomorrow.

For the girl who has everything

2009-11-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

Last year was a challenging year interacting with several students who were slightly troubled. This year has been more challenging, the students are less challenged, but female - which complicates everything. One of the most important aspects of personal teaching and mentoring is the ability to form trust, a challenge when being alone with the student is potentially damaging to your career.

The latest iteration of this exploration led to a conversation over colored pencils, and the discovery that said student had never had any of her (fairly decent) artwork put up on a fridge.

Further Adventures in Diversity.

2009-10-08T22:01:00.001-07:00

My dinner party tonight: a black, a chinese, a jew and a homosexual, two men, two women. 4 excellent plates of food.

The International Experience

2009-10-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

In this, my second year of teaching I have stopped panicking over being prepared for tomorrow's class and am instead worrying about higher goals, fostering a love of reading in my students, getting to know the international students I teach and focusing on not just what I'm saying, but what else it means.

On the international front I spent last night sharing an endless gourd of yerba mate, with a scholarship student from overseas. It was a rather international moment as he - from asia - shared a south american drink with me - a rather american gent, with materials gathered by a Kiwi who spent much of his life growing up in Africa.

Today we went to a mall of unusual size. He has decided I have seen some strangely large percentage of the world, and has invited me to visit his home and his family. His biological parents who he lived with - displaced persons of one of the wars of the past half century - and his legal father, a native whose identity allows him to gain citizenship and therefore receive the scholarship that brought him to my school.

In other news, I also finished a scholarship rec for another student, an apparent undocumented person living in the states for the past decade. Is qualified to apply to the ivy league, but whose parents make less than the yearly tuition. As an undocumented person, she is ineligible for federal aid. I hope it was a good enough rec.

ahh...

2009-08-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

Students arrived today, in 9 months I will be ecstatic to see them leave and in tears as well. Today though, I could not be happier to have them here.

The Communist Mathefesto

2009-08-23T04:55:00.000-07:00

In today's paper there was an article discussing the challenges faced by the portraitist of mathematicians. After an discussion of the impossibility of showing the working tools of a person primarily employed through the mind (not currently an accurate portrayal). It was remarked that one of the most prolific mathematical families of our time are the descendants of Earl Browder, former head of the communist party of the US of A (CPUSA) - it should perhaps be noted that Earl was kicked out of the CPUSA while rearing his three sons, but he did continue his activities on behalf of communism.

Stockholm Syndrome

2009-08-21T10:53:00.000-07:00

A group of French workers are holding the Seine hostage. Green Peace responds:

"It's significant because today, perhaps unlike previous years, the environment is recognised in itself as a resource," he said. "To take it hostage may be of greater value now than it was before."

People care enough about the environment to hold it hostage, rather than kill it off outright. woo.

Not a bad day

2009-08-20T19:51:00.000-07:00

I am reminded intermittently of how lucky I am to be alive these days. Not figuratively speaking, but quite literally lucky to be alive. As I sat in traffic today, watching an EMT struggle to find the correct key to unlock the emergency gate onto the Mass Pike and later watching a helicopter landing on the interstate to evacuate several casualties out to Boston, I was brought back to Spring Break. I was brought to that moment as I hit the concrete median at 60+ mph and watched my airbag shoot out of the steering wheel, only to pop uselessly from age and disuse. It could not have taken more than seconds, but I remember swearing, and spinning as the dark snow encrusted trees smeared ever closer.

Watching the EMT struggle with her keys, I pictured some unfortunate soul, bleeding pulse after pulse out onto a red streaked highway. Will the patient die because someone forgot the right set of keys? or can't find the right one? In a time where healthcare is at the forefront of everyone's minds, we forget all the intricate steps that will go into paying for the dispatch of the 4 fire trucks, the five ambulances and the Helicopter. Its illegal, not to have auto insurance so that someone pays for accidents like this. Why should health insurance be any different?

New Worlds

2009-08-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

There are some books that force you to devour them, consumption is not optional. These books are different for each person, but something attracts you - drags you through the street and leaves you up at 2:30 in the morning endorphins pumping through your blood.

I have just completed one such, I anticipate several more in my near future. Today is a good day to be alive.

Standing On the Shoulder's of Giants

2009-08-14T07:27:00.000-07:00

One of the great struggles of writing becomes a search for originality. A thought is born, it flashes to life and wanders around the intellectual landscape. It starts out in some village, meets other ideas, networks, makes friends & enemies and eventually finds that some other almost identical idea was born years or centuries earlier and is well known in the next city over.

As an amateur mathematician I run into this problem very frequently. I prove Fermat's Little Theorem in the sixth grade only to discover that some other bloke did so centuries earlier, etc. Other intellectual landscapes offer far more grey area for varied thought and discover than mathematics, but you are only standing in a crowded field then. The challenge becomes weaving together the narratives of others into a platform you can build from. Takes research and time, and one could argue whether it even counts as originality anymore.

Outstanding questions (pending further research):
The role of wealth accumulation in the creation of high art, and its value.
The utility of cities - social, environmental, and economic.

Capitalism, the new Fuedalism

2009-08-09T06:05:00.001-07:00

Again, I proceed stabbing blindly into the dark, looking for comments, corrections and critiques, and especially data.

On a superficial overview, capitalism appears to be little more than industrial feudalism. When farming and agriculture was the general source of livelihood, whomever controlled the land was in power. The farm formed the basic unit of making a living and for the privilege of being able to use their land and making a living, lords demanded tithes or taxes of production.

Today, various side effects of the green revolution and the industrial revolution have rendered the farm inappropriate for designation as a basic unit of livelihood. instead it seems more appropriate to set technology, or any of several other forms of capital as the basic unit for making a living. Like land in Feudal times, it is impossible or impractical for "the common man" to gain full ownership over the capital base required to sustain him/herself. It then follows that one is forced to again cede the fruits of ones labor to the class of people who possess the means of production, only now the level of individual control is vastly different, and mainly limited to intellectual property. This greater reduction in control ultimately leaves the worker with a smaller percentage of their yield for themselves.

The notable net loss here is in the skilled labor field. Whereas skilled and artisan labor existed semi-independently of the land, and thus was not automatically subservient to the landed-interests. Skilled labor has increasingly been replaced by technology. A new knowledge class has been created in its stead. Yet, this new class is radically more dependent upon the capitalist class than the skilled laborers were on the landowners. (This needs further justification, but for now other projects call)

Question for further investigation: The role of wealth accumulation in the creation of "high culture" and its worth.

First Thoughts

2009-08-09T04:11:00.000-07:00

Surplus Capital, what and why is it? Is it inherently good or useful? or as I might believe rather destructive. In the absence of surplus capital creation there appears to be some semblance of stasis and/or equilibrium, with the constant creation of surplus capital we find the need for creative destruction etc. It would seem to be a current necessity born out of the methodology of debt financing that currently exists in our economic structures, where we underwrite our current expenses by promising future profits and production, which does all sorts of good things like create capital multipliers, but also requires that future returns exceed current value, due to the fun that is interest. This seems fundamentally unsustainable in an environment that contains finite resources.

Renewal

2009-08-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

The struggle for articulation frequently separates action from thought. A further level of scrutiny is then required to separate serious and well studied thought from dilettantism. My recent travels back into Europe and scope of studies and experiences begs for the transition from pondering and dabbling to some from of actionable knowledge, thus I hope to gradually transition through the repeated struggle of writing into some sense of knowledge. I hope to begin by studying economics, education and land use. Advice, critique and dialog are of course encouraged.

Certainty

2007-07-23T20:52:00.000-07:00

I find myself repeatedly coming to conclusions, but struggling for approval, searcing for someone else to advise me or confirm that I'm right. I'm right often enough for this to be a terrible habit and it must change, it has become too destructive.

He returns

2007-07-05T14:16:00.000-07:00

So I forgot my password and got lazy. Hopefully that will soon change, as my list of things to do and desire to procrastinate both increase,

Juxtipostions

2007-02-18T04:10:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I had my first fast food meal since I arrived in Hungary. I had been holding off insistent on eating only local food or at least not American trash - ok, so its not strictly trash, but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it to anyone - and I found it very disappointing. Somehow less satisfying than I expected or remembered it and it surprised me for reasons I can't quite pinpoint.

As to how I found myself eating at a Burger King, my landlord's son, a quite decent young man who speaks very good English and therefore acts as translator between his parents and ourselves, had volunteered to take us wine shopping (after seeing what our own experiments with local wines had led us to purchase). So we met him yesterday morniing near his own home, with the students that he is landlord for, and walked over to the wineshop where he has a membership (and therefore gets discounts). So there we were buying local wines in a land where we were not locals and which were all described in loving detail in Hungarian we did not understand, guided by our host who recommended what was good and/or cheap, but worthwhile. As a result we bought 8 bottles between the three of us, with only one overlapping bottle, and we hopefully will find cause to use it, though, as my friend Robin pointed out, good wine should not be used to celebrate events, but rather to celebrate good company, since in times of celebration, you won't focus on the quality of the wine and will not appreciate it, where in good company it allows it the opportunity to be cherished just as much as the company. Robin, in my opinion is full of wise opinions.

He also is full of somewhat silly ideas, like the reconquest of Hungary, but that is for another posting.

Worries and Fears

2007-02-15T13:06:00.000-08:00

I think I've been here too long already, its only been two weeks, but today in class the instructor said "see, now we're all on the same wavelength" and all I could think was that if that was true and I took a Fourier transform of the class that we would get a very sharp peak...

Last Weekend

2007-02-03T15:46:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was a pretty damn lazy saturday, I woke up in the afternoon and didn't go anywhere until 5:30, but once I did go out I helped cooked a moderately authentic hungarian meal with my roommates at Robin and Aaron's homestay in új-pest. After that we went to the most popular discotech in budapest, but got bored with waiting in line forever and found a another club, that was somewhat English themed (lots of english streetsigns and ads to cover the walls.) Had a fun time, but discoverd that my clothing reeked of cigarette smoke when I left. Discovered the instructions for our laundry machine online in Czech, Slovak, Polish, German and French, all languages I don't speak, but did laundry anyway, and look forward to fresh smelling clothing once it all dries. Today has also been pretty low key, cleaned up from friday night's dinner party, which took about two hours (lots of dishes from other meals to be done as well, but the sink is now empty along with the counter and table. Wrote some emails, still working on the next mass email, might take a while, but I hope this gives some flavour until then.
Friday was also a good day, started a bit late, but included a trip to the College International where classes will be and orientation and a small party was. Orientation was mostly boring logistics, but two representatives from the embassy and consulate came to talk to us, which was interesting. Also, they gave descriptions of all the classes, or at least added small notes. As it turns out since my two most favored classes conflict (combinatorics II: hypergraph theory, and Galios Theory) I will most likely end up taking three of the four hardest math classes they offer, (and maybe the fourth as well) plus Hungarian, more to discover as the shopping period plays out. After the dinner we had a leftovers party for 8, cleaning out the fridge and making one new dish. More details later, but for now I must get sleep to prepare for the first day of classes.

In the beginning

2007-02-02T04:16:00.000-08:00

So it has been demanded that I start a blog to document my travels and revelations in the old, old world. For those who care, I call it wanderings in honour of Tolkien, and tudsz means "you know." An upcoming list of thoughts that I hope to sound off on are roommates, cultural adaptation - expectations and retrospection, girlfriends and distance relationships, Hungarian and Jewish national Identity, architecture, observation, and responsibility and self-commitments. I doubt I will get to all of these, but like all things, I figure its best to start off ambitiously. For now I have orientation today, and will report back later.